Fly or Die? #MET GALA 2015 by @MJWaLaced

Posted by - Swindle

I don’t know about you, but I get ecstatic when the MET Gala rolls around, its like frickin high fashion Halloween. This year’s theme was “China: Through the Looking Glass” and I must say I was bored with the majority of the garments, but the ones who stood out were vivacious. And the ones who flopped, flopped hard. Let me explain:


1) Alright people, we know the answer, it’s practically unanimous. She is the true internet breaker (get real, Kim). Beyonce is certainly a woman who knows how to make a serious entrance. As soon as she stepped on the red carpet it completely froze; nobody gave a shit about what anyone else was wearing because Beyonce’s perfect body was medusa-ing (yes medusa-ing) us in that Givenchy gown. Sweet lawd have mercy on my soul she is too foine. This is about to be the background of every girls phone for motivation. There were way too many sheer be-jeweled numbers this year but I give it to Beyonce hands down because of her dedication of her identity. This is so Bey. She turns into a queen lioness creature in this gold tone and her high pony mane. She definitely took the theme of “Through The Looking Glass” quite literally by not leaving much to the imagination in this sheer “grr” kitty number. My hats off to you Yonce.


2) Bey wasn’t the only one to turn heads with her gold attire, Rihanna was as majestic and divine as ever in her Guo Pei robe that literally shut down the runway because it was 16 feet long. I adore this look because of its complete ancient Chinese royalty design, she definitely successfully dressed herself as a character emulating that theme. It provoked curiosity as to what was underneath her extravagant robe (a pink corset). Her intricate fairytale like headpiece was beautifully accented with Cartier royal like jewels. When she stood at the top of the MET staircase she made everyone who was watching feel the need to kneel down before a Queen, Queen Riri.


3) Don’t even get me started on FKA Twigs. This woman pictured here is my “spirit celebrity” (if that makes sense). If I could be born into another life, I would want to return as Ms. Tahliah Barnett. I am completely entranced by the artistry of this dress by Christopher Kane. Her fashion choices continue to awe me and this is another superb example of how she expresses herself so clearly through her wardrobe. FKA Twigs’ music and dance choreography eludes sensuality. From her graphic and provocative music videos to her erotic and unique dance moves she constantly entices her audience by demonstrating a creative viewpoint of the human body. This dress is a blatant extension of herself. It makes her appear as if she has four legs, a hand delicately reaches out to her heart, there are even arms wrapping around her own arm…it is captivating and forward. Power to you Twigs! Oh and yes, that is a flacid penis at the top of the slit of her dress.


4) I am happy to see both of the Knowles sisters at the top of my list. Solange’s futuristic dress is why I get so enthusiastic about the Met Gala Awards…I want to see garments that are cutting edge. And Solange’s form-fitting surrealist printed dress by Gilesre-enforces her eccentric personality. She didn’t have to throw any punches this year to exhibit her boldness. This dress makes the mind wander; it looks like the inside of a black hole imprinted on Chinese origami paper. The combination of the thin pleating, the structured shape, and the eye-capturing print makes this one of Solange’s strongest looks yet as it so fluidly connects art and fashion.

5) The fifth best-worn garment was completely over-looked. Fan Bingbing was absolutely regal last night in her Christopher BU gold sequined strapless dress and enchanting forest green cape. The cameras unfortunately don’t seem to snap as many shots of international stars, but she well-deserved more attention. This year’s met Gala was dedicated to Chinese Theatre, and Fan looks exactly like a modern day empress. It is rich and elegant. Although I am not too familiar with Fan Bingbing’s work as a Chinese actress, I applaud her for her poise and attention to detail and she definitely made a fan out of me.


6) Ok. Now I’m upset. Kerry Washington you are such a beautiful creature and soul why tha fuq you go and choose a bubblegum pink poofy shiny dress with yo green ass shoes looking like a watermelon over here? She looked like she hopped out of a Bewitched bad Disney spinoff. Girl this is not your angle, or your night. This lady must weight like 95lbs and she looks like a bloated cupcake in this. It looks like she tried to recreate the princess dress her momma sewed her when she was 7 years old. We’ll just pretend this never happened Kerry, stick to your sleek Scandal outfits.



7) Oh Sarah Jessica Parker, there are so many things I could say right now. Dare I? You’ve already gotten so much “heat” for this headpiece. I appreciate H&M for trying to be daring, but lets be real, H&M does not belong on the red carpet. It does best at making crop tops and dresses that shrink into crop tops after the first wash. There were so many beautiful headpieces that night, and this was far from one of them. When I first saw her I said “oh lord jesus its a fire”. Somebody throw a bucket of water on her, her hair is on fire! I honestly thought that the Disneyworld actor for Jafar from Aladdin snuck into the event. She took the costume aspect of the MET Gala way too far. Tisk tisk SJP. P.S. Those shoes are heinous come on now.


8) Alicia Keys, this outfit is wrong on so many levels. Nothing about this is ok. Are you a ballerina? Or a 80’s female CEO? I just don’t get it. I am all about mixing styles to create your own, but I think you flopped on this one Alicia. Blazers and tutu’s don’t mix….THEY JUST DON’T. I don’t even know who this is by, I don’t really care.


9) I can’t deny that this is a pretty Michael Kors dress on Elizabeth Banks. The color is tropical and vibrant, but there is nothing innovative nor unique about it. I’ve seen it a million times. In fact, I think I saw this at Forever 21 on sale last week. Yawn! Way to NOT stand out. I’d rather wear Lady Gaga’s terrifying mess. At least people are buzzing about it. At the MET, it is worse to be boring than hideous. Take a chance sista friend. It’s the MET Gala for Christ sakes. It is practically a costume party, I could wear this look to the club. A safe miss for Elizabeth Banks, there’s always next year I guess.


10) Kris Jenner looks ratchet as all hell. If an, Italian mob house wife got an invitation to a major event and wanted to show people what the back of her closet looked like kind of way. She straight up looks like a drag queen wrapped in some heavy ass curtains from the 70’s from my grandfather’s house. The boxed shoulders on the dress with those chunky earrings makes this look so gawdy and 80’s trash. She is drowning in the fabric and that belt does not add the right definition to her shape. This is Miami vice meets Johnny Bravo in my honest opinion. You are a MILF, I’ll give you that, but you are not your daughters.


By: Meredith Jean Wallace
    Twitter: @mjwalaced

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

12 − 5 =